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Is it useful or pointless to find out if my ex-girlfriend's daughter is mine?
I'm not a deadbeat by any means. First off, I don't even know if I AM a father or not. I'll be 20 in October. I'd appreciate a lack of prejudice for what I'm about to say. But I'm gay, I've known since I was a guy. But I had a girlfriend named Ebony from age 14-16, an on and off thing. Now, she's going to be 21 in August. Ebony found out she was pregnant after we had broken up for good. But I wasn't the only guy she was with(we were ON and Off constantly). After her daughter was born in 2008, I kind of begged her to find out who the dad is but she was too embarassed about the situation. So, I stopped pushing it. Ebony's daughter has almost the same exact facial features as Ebony,except her skin is much lighter. Ebony is black; about as dark as Michelle Obama. I'm half Cuban and half German. But then again, I'm not the only white or Latino guy she's been with.

Ebony and I remained friends up to this day. No hard feelings. I live in Miami but she moved to Jacksonville after she had her daughter. Yes both are in Florida but they're NOT close AT ALL. I send her daughter gifts for her birthday and Xmas every year. Not because I'm convinced that I'm her father but I just happen to have a good heart, plus Ebony is my friend for life. I love that girl. Ebony is getting married in April. She and her fiance know for a fact that the daughter isn't his but apparently he loves her and he's willing to raise her. My boyfriend and I are both invited to the wedding. I can either continue to be a godfather to my POSSIBLE daughter and not bother to find out. Or I can find out and still be there for her regardless of the results. Now, honestly I'm cool with either decision. It's not exactly eating me up inside. You know? But what would you do if you were in my shoes?

This is a hard choice to make. It seems to me Ebony doesn't care who's the baby's father is as far as shes concerned shes her daughter and that's good enough. If at 20 shes marrying a man and he loves and cares for both the girls i think shes lucky. I don't think NOW is the best time to address this emotions run high at weddings and its bad timing. What I would do if I was you is tell your friend that if she or her daughter ever wants to run any tests you would be more then willing to. Leave the ball in her court and just always try to be supportive and good to the lil girl you might have made.

Can you help with a Character name please!!!?
He's a seventeen year old death angel out to kill me and my friends He has multiple facial piercing framed by ebony hair. Black feathered wings protrude from his back. He has really dark eyes. After several failed attempts at assassinating us he decides to get close to me-the only single person in our group and the only one that looks somewhat like him just feminine. The whole falls for him thing happens and he continuously tries to kill us (btw we're faeries) and we all go on a very long, very scary adventure to find out who wants us dead.

Any name suggestions?

If you want something casual go for something like Jack if you want summat more angel-ish take something like Azrael.

Else, there always Dimitri!

Need help naming a character in my book?
He's a seventeen year old death angel out to kill me and my friends He has multiple facial piercing framed by ebony hair. Black feathered wings protrude from his back. He has really dark eyes. After several failed attempts at assassinating us he decides to get close to me-the only single person in our group and the only one that looks somewhat like him just feminine. The whole falls for him thing happens and he continuously tries to kill us (btw we're faeries) and we all go on a very long, very scary adventure to find out who wants us dead.

Altare
Nahualt
Desdemona
Magena
Vega
Sveltana
Ashbel

Brown skin is undeniably attractive, do you agree?
I adore seeing sun rays sparkle and reflect off of the beautiful ebony earth tone of brown skin. Facial features which feature very few blemishes, more smoothness. I admire the perfect fit of the way that her bones are covered in this deep chocolate brown. That glistens and reflects in the sun.

How can people reject brown skin and label it ugly? It bewilders me...

I take pride in the genetically constructed UV shield that keeps me connected with nature. A dark chocolate mixed with a hint of sweet caramel. Our ladies have lips molded for sensual kissing and the roots of our hair holds thickness. A gift to cocoa butter for being allowed to spread amongst the deep undertone of that ebony brown.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGOsVnB3B…

I agree about the shine contrast from light. I also like how it's a warm tone, and it makes colors pop out more. Gold jewelry looks good on brown skin, too.

Do I write well for my age (14)? Would anyone like to give me constructive criticism?
The fear was what kept him gong. In his mind, nothing could compare to the fresh terror of a young girl, the erratic heartbeat humming in his ears. The man laughed hysterically and knocked over a chair. When he heard her muffled scream echo through the factory, he howled in twisted delight.

The moonlight proudly shone into the abandoned factory, almost as if it was encouraging him. He was, after all, a creature that prowled around when the sun had set. The shattered windows were hidden by rotten boards that looked like they would collapse at the slightest touch. Slime and muck lined the flooring, while graffiti decorated the walls. The silhouettes of the rusted machinery created disfigured shapes on the ground.

He listened intently, trying to locate her by her labored breathing. He smirked maliciously when he realized she was closer than he thought. It seemed as though the hunt was over. With his eyes closed, he inhaled deeply, relishing in the desperate thirst that burned within him, crying to be fed.

His eyes were pure black. It almost seemed as if he was made of shadows and filled with darkness, completely soulless. The man’s hair was ebony silk, enhancing his ghostly white skin. His facial features and build were flawless, and if one didn’t know who he was, they would mistake him for an angel.

But, of course, that will be their fatal mistake.

With a swiftness beyond human imagination, he had her pinned to a wall. His head fell upon her shoulder where he could see her pulse beating. He nuzzled his face in her neck while she squirmed and screamed, unsuccessfully trying to break free of his iron hold.

“Help! Someone please!” Her tear stained face twisted into raw terror when she felt his teeth graze her neck and her shouts grew in intensity. “No! Please, God, no!”

“Silly girl,” he laughed humorlessly. “God could never save you from me.”

She flinched away, disgusted as his cool breath tickled her neck.

“I’ll give you whatever you want, I swear,” she pleaded. “Just don’t kill me! I don’t want to die!”

He didn’t bother to reply, to drunk on the smell of her blood and the sound of her healthy heart.The patience he had built was wearing thin. He inhaled once more before plunging his teeth into her neck. A moan of ecstasy escaped him at finally being able to feed the monster within him. Her blood steadily flowed into his mouth, causing a new wave of pleasure to crash into him. He repositioned his body to where he was pressing tightly against her, able to feel her innocent warmth, but still able to greedily feed from her.

Her face twisted in agony as she fought to be free. She could feel the blood trickle down her shoulders as she wrestled in vain to escape. With a hoarse cry, she being hitting the man in front of her, but her frenzied actions backfired and hurt her knuckles more than his back. Dizziness enveloped her, she felt as if she were watching from a distance. She knew she couldn’t hold on much longer.

With the last few drops of her blood, her life was forcefully pulled from within her and into the ravenous demon.

A stray rat was the only witness to the beastly crime. It was the last thing to hear the desperate cry that tore through Anna Lang’s body.

Shame to see that it's a vampire story (I'm personally not a fan) but I must admit, you write very well. There were a few parts I stumbled over though...

The first one was almost certainly a typo - "the fear was what kept him gong?" I assume the last word was "going", ahaha?

I was a little confused as to why she was screaming at the fact that he knocked over a chair. Perhaps she's on edge? Okay, given. But wouldn't she be trying to stay quiet? I think maybe you could replace "scream" with "gasp" or something; that makes it sound like she tried to witthold it, but it just slipped out.

I like the description of the factory :)

The next one is probaby a typo to - "she being hitting" made me stop for a second and reread it over again. I'm still not sure what was meant there. Typo?

After "enveloped her" it doesn't seem *quite* right to have a comma...maybe a semicolon instead?

Aside from that, very nice. Much better than most of the writers on here. Oh, but one last piece of advice - don't mention your age. It immediately irks a few users - almost like you expect us to go "aww diddums yu so gud 4 ur agee!" Thankfully you don't seem to be asking us for this, but keep in mind that mentioning your age automatically gives the impression that you're one of those users. Age is irrelevant whn it comes to writing, so just be careful about that.

I'll shut up now. Very nice :)

EDIT: haha, smooth move :P I'll just forget your age now!

Anyone up for giving me constructive criticism? Or know where I can go to get it?
The fear was what kept him going. In his mind, nothing could compare to the fresh terror of a young girl, the erratic heartbeat humming in his ears. The man laughed hysterically and knocked over a chair. When he heard her muffled gasp echo through the factory, he howled in twisted delight.

The moonlight proudly shone into the abandoned factory, almost as if it was encouraging him. He was, after all, a creature that prowled around when the sun had set. The shattered windows were hidden by rotten boards that looked like they would collapse at the slightest touch. Slime and muck lined the flooring, while graffiti decorated the walls. The silhouettes of the rusted machinery created disfigured shapes on the ground.

He listened intently, trying to locate her by her labored breathing. He smirked maliciously when he realized she was closer than he thought. It seemed as though the hunt was over. With his eyes closed, he inhaled deeply, relishing in the desperate thirst that burned within him, crying to be fed.

His eyes were pure black. It almost seemed as if he was made of shadows and filled with darkness, completely soulless. The man’s hair was ebony silk, enhancing his ghostly white skin. His facial features and build were flawless, and if one didn’t know who he was, they would mistake him for an angel.

But, of course, that will be their fatal mistake.

With a swiftness beyond human imagination, he had her pinned to a wall. His head fell upon her shoulder where he could see her pulse beating. He nuzzled his face in her neck while she squirmed and screamed, unsuccessfully trying to break free of his iron hold.

“Help! Someone please!” Her tear stained face twisted into raw terror when she felt his teeth graze her neck and her shouts grew in intensity. “No! Please, God, no!”

“Silly girl,” he laughed humorlessly. “God could never save you from me.”

She flinched away, disgusted as his cool breath tickled her neck.

“I’ll give you whatever you want, I swear,” she pleaded. “Just don’t kill me! I don’t want to die!”

He didn’t bother to reply, to drunk on the smell of her blood and the sound of her healthy heart.The patience he had built was wearing thin. He inhaled once more before plunging his teeth into her neck. A moan of ecstasy escaped him at finally being able to feed the monster within him. Her blood steadily flowed into his mouth, causing a new wave of pleasure to crash into him. He repositioned his body to where he was pressing tightly against her, able to feel her innocent warmth, but still able to greedily feed from her.

Her face twisted in agony as she fought to be free. She could feel the blood trickle down her shoulders as she wrestled in vain to escape. With a hoarse cry, she began hitting the man in front of her, but her frenzied actions backfired and hurt her knuckles more than his back.The walls began spinning around her, coming closer, trapping her in this painful reality. She knew she couldn’t hold on much longer.

With the last few drops of her blood, her life was forcefully pulled from within her and into the ravenous demon.

A stray rat was the only witness to the beastly crime. It was the last thing to hear the desperate cry that tore through Anna Lang’s body.

I think its pretty good, it flows and the description of the man's disposition is done well.

I did find some errors:

"to drunk on the smell of her blood." Should be: too.

"He repositioned his body to where" You should say: so that instead of "to where".

" It was the last thing to hear the desperate cry that tore through Anna Lang’s body." The adjective last doesn't make much sense, because that makes the reader think there were many things hearing the desperate cries from the woman. It should be only instead of last.

But overall good job! Keep writing!

I need some constructive criticism; how is this story so far?
I've just begun this story and I need some advice on it. I'm only 14, so don't be too harsh! Nobody steal it, please, and don't comment that you don't understand what's going on. Truth is, I just want to see if this beginning is at least going to grab some attention.
It's going to be a romance/thriller, and it's from a boy's perspective.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. Thanks!!!!

It burns. . . .
The flaring heat shot into my veins like the awkward feeling of an injection fighting off a brutal disease. My hands were clenched tightly as a frustrated sigh crept out of my lips. The sun was burning down strongly, enough to make my usual pale skin into the frightening color of a bruise. When I surveyed the neighborhood at this time of morning — scheduled for the plans of a kill — rain would normally spatter against the gravel, creating the light mist that hovered above the ground. But today’s weather was rare, preferable among few citizens in the town.
Too . . . strong.
The sultriness was starting to get unbearable. My crimson eyes changed to a pitch black before I tilted my head slowly to the left. I apathetically backed up into the cover of the trees, eyeing the town below me curiously. Would I have to wait until nightfall to stalk my prey?
My skin was quickly reviving to normal color, feeling a refreshed hint aside from the cruel heat. A fierce growl ripped out of my throat when the thirst in me was growing. How . . . tempting it was to escape from the forest and into the town that held all of the humans. . . . But it was too much, the swaggering of the heat that seemed to taunt me. The ebony sky was a tad far away for my liking, but in time I could grasp the simplicity of the day’s meals.
My feet, protected merely by black jump boots, strode weakly along the dry grass on the forest floor. Even throughout the feeble steps that I took, I walked with sheer gracefulness as if high on self pride.
Gently, my black hair swayed faintly above my eyes as I strained to contain my hunger. If I was the least bit fortunate, a human could come close to me, enough for me to grasp it before dragging it into the shadows. I could only hope for the improbable.
Wearily, I stalked down the hill that lead to the cemetery, then hid inside the stony building that held the town’s founder’s statue. The figure was slightly plump, with an old-fashioned mustache curling above his lips. He stood proudly, one hand awkwardly drooping at his side and the other posed underneath his chin thoughtfully. A smile beheld his facial features, eye glasses stiff on the bridge of his nose. Underneath the statue was a short biography of the man’s life, explaining how he had discovered the small town and with whom he fell in love. His life span was written above all, from the year of 1876-1925.
An amused laugh escaped me as I scanned quickly over his biography again. He fell in love at 19 years of age, and 14 years later had died of a mysterious fire set to his house. . . . Had someone purposely killed him? And for what reason?

Wonderful descriptions that really placed me in the moment. Why are you using a past tense though. In the moment might work better for intensity.
I think this works well to ground me in time, place, and immediately I understand what is at stake for this character. Good job.

My only criticism is the telling statements, especially since you are so good at showing most of the time. EXAMPLE; "Eyeing the town below me CURIOUSLY".What does curiously look like???? ..Also a few awkward lines like..."When the thirst in me was growing" ALSO consider breaking up some of the long consecutive sentences with some very short ones. SENTENCE LENGTH VARIATION! This will make it flow better. A couple of times I had to go back and reread a sentence because I got lost.

ARE YOU REALLY ONLY 14? Impressive. Keep it up! You have a amazing skill for your age. Heck you are skilled for any age. GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!

Story stuff please comment!?
Okay first thanks for clicking on it! Second this is a list of like details in my book. I want to incorporate this somehow in the beginning and that's where I need your help. I'd appreciate any ideas of how to do that and comments on the information itself thanks! A few names are missing and will be read as ------- names for those things are also appreciated!

Guide to Races, Dragons etc.

Races-

Emeranian - One of the High races. They are tall (5' 7" - 6"), slim built, and have pale hair, eyes, and skin. Their facial features are rather pointed. Has the possibility of being a Magi. Live natively in the Emeralidan forest.

Doneli - High race. Tanned skin, dark hair, and eyes. Height 5' 5" - 5' 7" Has possibility of being Magi. Live natively in Donlithian Desert.

Terrelian - High race. Wide variety of looks. Avg height (5' 2" - 5' 5") Can be Magi.

Kemarn - High race. Variety of looks. Height 2' - 3' 5". No possibility of being Magi. Reside in Emeralidan forest and -------- mountains.

Vampyres - Neither high nor low race. Greatly resemble Terrelians, but have brighter eyes and are paler. Have enhanced senses, and is sensitive to sun. "Night creatures". Must intake large amount of energy (mainly drawn through the blood of other races) once every other month to stay alive after their fifteenth year. Possibility of Magi unknown.

Grawlish - Lower Race. Large, bulky, disfigured, ugly, mountain trolls. 6' - 7'. No possibility of Magi.

Rodens - Lower race. Body and head of man, wings and eyes of a raven. 5' 5" - 6'. Can be Magi.

Kerlins - Lower race. Small implike creatures with a vengeful bloodthirst. 2' 5" - 3' 4" No magi possibility.

Amarians - Lower race. Fair skin, dark hair and eyes, 5' 4" - 6'. Has possibility of Magi.

DRAGONS

Green Dragon (Small) - Minor Dragon. Physical healing abilities. Hatches to be size of kitten. Does not grow. Has no transformation ability.

White Dragon (Small) Minor Dragon. Mental/spirit healing abilities. Hatches size of kitten. Grows to size of medium dog. Transformation ability unlimited.

Orange Dragon (Small) Minor Dragon. Brings cheer and joy. Hatches kitten size. Does not grow. No transformation.

Purple Dragon (Small) Floral Dragon. Has ability to control plants. Hatches kitten size. Grows to adult cat size. Transformation ability, limited.

Dark Red Dragon. Major Dragon, fire. Hatches size of dog. Grows to size of small house. Also minor transport dragon. No Transform.

Ebony/Silver Dragons - Major Dragons. Used for transportation and also Knight Dragons.Hatch Dog size and grow up to size of medium house.No transform.

Multi and single colored Dragons (Large) - Transport/Knight Dragons. Same size as above Dragons. No Transform.

TITLES.

Magi - Has magic ability.

Knight of ------- - Knight of the high races serving -------- (sort of like an active god. Needs a name.)

Soldiers of --------- - Belongs to the low races serving --------- (evil "god" against above one.)

Okay thanks if you actually read! Sorry it's so much I was really bored in school and came up with all of them and decided to write them down before I forgot THANKS!

Knight of Elenium. Sounded noble, I guess.
Soldiers of Dracarius. I don't know, it just sounds cool.

Um, so to start a story, you have to have a main character and a basic plot. So pick whichever race you think would be the most fun, or a crossbreed if such exists, and figure out what kind of adventure your protagonist could have. And whether you want your protagonist to travel in a group or alone, meeting various people along the way.

You're going to need to come up with some kind of government structure for your world, as well as various countries and boundaries.

Good luck!

Does this seem interesting?
Ok, it's pretty ominous but it's the beginning to Serpentism.

Prologue:
{The beginning of the rest of your life}

Snap! Flash. A moment saved in time. Safely kept in a thick ebony wood frame dangling off of the wall. The glass keeping it safe from the cackling fire as the burning flames reflected off of the lead crystal.

A woman was the first in the picture. Tall and slender with curly brown hair and the most lively bright green eyes.

Next to her stood a man, taller and built. His hair was parted to the side and blonde with electrifying blue eyes. His arm hung loosely around his wife.

Two guyren.

An older boy with the facial structure of the father. His hair was messy and in his eyes which were a very dull green. He had a light green knitted hat that even more so flattened out his hair. His arms were crossed as a scowl adorned his face. His age’s approximate guess would be 15?

The younger girl. She looked like a mix of both parents. Her honey blond hair was in high pig tails and her eyes were less lively than her fathers blue ones. She was smiling widely with both her hands behind her back. She was around 6?

Quite suddenly, the parents began to.. Fade away. The smiles melted off of the picture with a thick red color rolling off of the frame. It was sucked into the frame and all that stood was the guyren. Almost like the parents were never there. The thick crimson color began to completely soak through the frame and trickle on the hardwood floor below.

Whispers and whimpers. It seemed all to quiet. Deathly quiet.

And that’s when the bodies were found. Limp on the ground. Shredded to bits. Blood everywhere.

What happened? A question never to be answered. Who knows what did happen? The voices.. The laughs.. The whispers.. Will linger forever in their ears.

“Mom? Dad?”

The storys about Vampires and creatures I've created, Serpentires. Which are sort of like vampires but.. snakes obviously. They turn green when they're tired, they sort of control elements, they eat once a week and they're infirior to Vampires... So, people with the patience to read it.. how was it?

it is a good start. i really like where it was heading (the story.)
here are some tips
One this that really through me off was how you were saying. She was about 6? and his ages approximate guess would be 15?
that really just made me think as a little guy were to write this. (though you may be young, im not trying to bash you on that. lol)((though you may not be young)) what if you added the age into the para. like ex.
A 6 year old girl stood next to her parents showing bits and pieces of their features. (continue her para.)
Get it? and do the same for the boy.

when your describing things. try to use the 5 sense's in your writing to draw the reader in. but you must you the sense's in a rich way. All good storys have great use of sense's.
I hope this helps a little.
Good Luck

What is with the American Indian/Native American obsession?
In the past two weeks, I have been surrounded with the stupidest people I have ever come in contact with. And they're all obsessed with people who they THINK have Indian ancestry.

Example 1-Some lady recently gets the results of her genealogy research and a guy asks her "Are you part Indian?" (even though he CLEARLY overheard her results, as we were assisting the researchers). She chews him out and says "I have fair skin and fluffy hair. I am sorry I do not fit your stereotype of an African American woman. Furthermore, just because I have a dash of Indian blood does not mean that I am going to run off and claim to be "part-Indian," because I am BLACK. I know who my true ancestors are, and no percentage of Native American or European blood is going to change who I call MY people."

Example 2-While watching footage of the Jackson family's variety show, two fools (my neighbors, who I thankfully, do not attend college with) say "Michael and Jermaine's afros was so pretty and curly" AND "Rebbie was hot, man! Look at those cheekbones! She looks just like her mother, you know they've got Indian in their family!"

They obviously knew that I was upset, because they were quick to say "Not trying to insinuate anything negative! I researched it online, and there ancestors were held by Indians, so they really ARE black and Indian."

Now, as a mixed-race person (black dad/native indian mother), I realize that it's hypocritical that my first reaction was "Who cares?!" I am sick and tired of fools like this home and abroad acting as if black guys can't have pretty hair unless their "part Indian." That black women can't be attractive unless their "part Indian." That I am so pretty because I'm "half Indian." So I basically retorted with "If you think it is uncommon to find people whose slave ancestors were held by Indians, you need to learn history. And I'm sorry to disappoint you, but until Native Voices magazine and indiancountrytoday.com start reporting on Michael Jackson's passing as have Jet/Ebony magazine and blackamericaweb.com, I think the Jackson's identify as African American."

Because honestly, people can't just LOOK at a person and say "No, they don't have any Indian ancestry!"..because looks can be deceiving and people don't know others' ethnic background unless they ask. And even if the Jackson family and other black families do have Native ancestry, they're just descendants, because they're not "enrolled." (but I really don't wanna get into all the political stuff)... In other words, the ancestry is THERE, it may be present in facial features, but it really doesn't define how you identify.

**I merely used the Jackson's as an example to further magnify this, so in responses, you don't have to necessarily address them when responding.

What are your opinions on the incorporation of Native ancestry when used to "clarify" beauty and other aspects?

I don't know, we a re the prettiest race out there. And whenever I see an attractive white person I assume it must be because they are mixed with some other ethnic group...lol... Ok Ok, seriously, yeah the ancient ancestors as identity thing is annoying and in relation to NDN blood making Black people attractive, Thats just insulting...some people are just jealous of good looks....tell em to kiss you beautiful black azz....unless ya got an NDN azz cuz then you'll have to tell them to kiss your beautiful flat azz.